My Brain Today

 Today my brain felt like...

like maybe i was waking up a little more. Like the slumber ive been stuck in for ....2 ? years? maybe longer...since before i guess, i left tracey. My brain however feels a little lighter than it has, maybe it  was the work at the farm, or maybe im just gettin to the end of this part of the path....i somehow i knew id get here, Lets hope tomorrow is reminded by today and i can have even more clarity and maybe even some discipline....today my brain felt like, i was in control again

what kind of life do i actually want?

 So, this is my first journal entry and i asked chatGPT to provide me with a prompt. So, the kid of life i actually want is pretty easy stuff...a comfortable home , ideally in a tropical location, with my kids they have everything they ever need and want, while still not being spoiled brats. Give back to my parents for everything they have done for me, provide abundance and joy to all of my circle, i want us all to make it. I don't care for fame, but i want to impress the people around me, i feel like i want to be the person that everyone seems to think i am , including myself. i dont want to worry about money either , and to elaborate on that i don't want my kids to struggle because of any burden they may have got from me. more then anything i want to be able to spend my time with my family, and the wife that i don't have yet. i want  to be in love the way people in the movies are, a healthy all consuming love.

Time Trial

Time to take measure of where i go next. Holidays are here and they couldnt have come at a better time. Even though I'm learning tons and enjoying this program fully, I am still ready for a break. After a few months of working full time and going to school full time and being a Dad part time, this little siesta couldn't come at a better time. As the winter holiday  peaks over the horizon, ill reflect on the recent school term and start to take measure of my plan for this coming year. I want to really start to focus on time management and getting important work done sooner rather than later. I will be trying a few new tips and tricks out that i have had suggested to me over that last few weeks and hopefully those will round out my academic habits a little better. Over the holiday, I plan to read a few books that Jay Robb had suggested when he came to speak to the class. Glass jaw has proven to be quite an interesting read and I'm looking forward to taking sometime to turn a few pages over the coming holiday. The semester that I'm just putting away has been a great learning experience both practically and mentally. This life has many obstacles to traverse and i cant help but fel like ive just gotten on top of this PR one, the next 4 months will either prove me right or wrong but either way im having a great time enjoying this part of the course.

the straight-away

This is it, the straight away that is so familiar. This is the last week of classes of my first semester of my post grad. So many times I have gotten to this final week. This is when the anxiety slowly start to lift just before it crushes you with Christmas shopping. As the year comes to an end, ill take a quick second to turn around and look back on my year. I have been known to get down on my self in the past about how little i've accomplished with my 30 years and the holidays for me is a great reminder to just take a little time to look back at the past year and try to pin point all the high and low points. School seems to be almost elusive to me, I want to do well but before long that turns into good enough which again wains to just a pass by the end of the semester. Why is it I wonder that we go in with such high intentions then fall off so abruptly.  Is it the pressure to succeed? The fear of failure?....the fear of succeeding? I guess it doesn't matter what slows you down, or what your scared of or even that your scared at all. You just need to just keep my head up and keep pushing forward,
after all this isn't even close to the end of the race, but maybe just another warm up lap before the real race begins.

The crossroads

So I've made it. Half way through the academic year and really starting to get a hold of this animal known as PR. Although I do feel like I’ve gotten a grip I know there is still a lot of work to be done. I’ve come to realize that in order to be successful I really have to start managing my time better. This has always been a problem of mine, and I guess recognizing the problem is always the first step. I have found that making physical lists of what I want to do in a day helps in a noticeable way. The things with starting and working towards and finishing a goal like this is that there is always the inevitable anxiety that comes with trying to find that first job , that I almost always feel under qualified to work at anyways . So, arguably the most treacherous part of this journey is just around the next bend. Even though I feel overwhelmed to actually go out and attempt a big boy job, I honestly have this excited voice in the back of my head telling me to push on and that I might actually be able to pull of this miracle. In keeping in tune with  my travel analogy I will adopt a phrase I’ve heard many times in the past but (17)has remained elusive to my life until now , but I guess you could say until now I had trouble seeing the forest for the trees . It’s the nuance of the individual working parts of this career that I find almost musical. All aspects of this career field seem to accentuate each other, they feed off of and also maintain each other in a strong PR plan. The trick now for me is taking all I've learned and all I will learn in the rest of this year to make me the best PR practitioner I can be. I will need to learn to maneuver the path as the hills role my way. Regardless of what the next 5 months will send my way I feel like I am ready for it. Maybe it’s time I stop following a path at all. Maybe instead I should make my own path and lead the way for others that get lost.

Back on track.

Well, if you read my earlier blog you will know that I have been struggling to find a path. Not necessarily MY path but just a path that I can feel confident it is at least pointing me in the right direction. I have some great news, I've found some promising tracks that I feel very confident could lead me to a road. Sorry for all the travel analogies but I think they serve my purpose very well in this situation. 

After a rocky start getting back into school, I feel like I’m starting to get my footing. The content in the classes is interesting to learn about and after having it explained feel oddly familiar. I can’t be sure if I will one day be a PR "big wig" but I'm pretty sure I’ll be able to achieve some semblance of success. 

The relief you get after searching for so long to find your niche is unlike anything I have experienced, it’s like a cloud has been lifted and I can begin to really focus my life's work. The exciting world of PR in no way looks like a walk in the park, but more like a run through a very demanding and rewarding obstacle course. New challenges will arise and I will use my knowledge gained in the last year to take on each individual issue

. So much work has happened in so little time it is hard to take a step back and actually take measure of how much we have learned but given a chance to look back and right on your own work allows you the ability to reflect on all the hard work.

 I've done a bit of post-secondary learning and each time, thinking that I was going to get a job that was good enough and that will pay well and it would be the responsible adult things to do. It has never happened that way. This is the first time I think I will be confident enough to say "This what I want to do and I think I’m pretty good at it!"

Second Place

Someone once said, "Life is a race, and in the end, you realize it’s only with yourself."

  If that’s true, then why can’t I catch up? Is it natural to feel left behind or lost at every turn? These are questions that have plagued my conscience since I left high school 12 years ago. Maybe we have to try not to gauge our success against how much of the race is left but rather how far we’ve come.

I think people get so wrapped up in analyzing what went wrong or what will go wrong that they forget what went right. How does one come to appreciate their own struggle without feeling jaded or burnt out? It might sound unusual but the answer is in the question.

 I think you learn to appreciate the struggle as it persists. You have to put all of yourself into something. Then you have this great moment of reflection. This feeling of being second place in my own life race isn’t a bad thing. Maybe it’s a great way to follow my other self to where I am meant to be going. Or maybe it’s a great way to see mistakes ahead and try to avoid them.

Maybe a silver medal is good enough for now. Maybe by the time I get to the end of the race maybe I’ll catch up enough to tie for gold. A photo finish seems like an appropriate way to slide across the finish.

 Another great person also said "maybe it’s not about how far we run, maybe it’s just about avoiding as many trees as we can along the way."

....A little food for thought….